Just wondering

There are many things that you do and say, that make the butterflies pop on my stomach, that make me blush and smile uncontrollably.
But there are fewer things that you do that make me so angry, that I only want to cry and run away from you, because I will not be able to beat and kill you.
It makes me wonder...

Why you do those things?
Why are you so mean and selfish?
Do I deserve it?
Or being mean is your true self?
Shall I react the same way?

Playing mute and deaf won't solve things.
But I can't accept that.
I won't accept it anymore.
I don't accept it!
I'm sad, extremely sad.
O+